Day 294 – Career In Transition Location: Potomac, MD
We talk about CRPS as a mind and body crusher and she has instilled strong mindfulness practices in me.
Please allow me to deal with the elephant in my room hindering my ability to write as frequently as I wished when I began this blog. I’ve found writing can be cathartic when you have your emotions synced with both your physical and mental state to produce a meaningful result. Post spinal cord stimulator operation, my mind and body have largely been realigning with a passion to live life to it’s fullest. The prose with which to write this blog has been flowing naturally and the blog got off to a great start. Each day throughout the month of September, I laid one more brick of foundation to push my case of CRPS into remission – a goal I have no doubt I’ll achieve. My wife and I have been smiling again. We’re living some of the life we used to live again. I was nearing a return to my career. This all changed unexpectedly a few weeks ago when I lost my job of nearly 10 years. I’ve simply struggled to process this loss and what it means for my recovery, how it affects the goals Crissy and I have, and what is next for my career. There, it is out.
Seeing life clearly throughout most of my CRPS journey has been cloudy to say the least. I’ve been meeting weekly with an excellent mental health professional trained at helping individuals through debilitating and disabling pain. My mental health coach and counselor, Dr. Paula Mintzies, has encouraged me to let the emotion of CRPS out. The encouragement she offers is always constructive and supportive. We talk about CRPS as a mind and body crusher and she has instilled strong mindfulness practices in me. At the core of what we work on is R.A.I.N. – an acronym that represents a radical acceptance mindfulness practice.
R – Recognize what is happening
A – Accept life to be what it is
I – Investigate with kindness
N – Non-identification
The RAIN concept is a bit like the Serenity Prayer, you know, the one that begins with “God grant me…” Like the Serenity Prayer, RAIN centers on accepting events for what they are, understanding them, and not judging oneself thereby creating more pain – physical and mental. I’m still a rookie at using RAIN in my life. I may be a rookie for some time. It is a practice I’m conscious of every day though I don’t always proactively apply RAIN in real time, hence my newbie status. It is a skill I seek to master.
RAIN has effectively become a lifeline for me since I was terminated on September 29, 2017. At the time of my termination, I was only about 45 days shy of my 10-year anniversary with the company. 10 YEARS is a long time with one company these days.
Ok, now before you begin feeling sorry for me, I’m not seeking sympathy in any manner. My goal is to be honest with my audience so I can do the absolute best to help someone else in a similar position. Sharing this aspect of my life is not an effort to shame my now former employer so if you’re a reader who has your mind on revenge on my behalf; I guess thank you, but no need to think those things. Also, if you’re a former colleague who is reading this and didn’t even know I was no longer with the company, don’t be alarmed if you don’t see me or hear from me and I hope you’re doing well. When my time with the company was up, I know I left the company with a legacy of making a positive impact on the company and leaving the business unit after sustained growth. My time with my employer was largely filled with success. That success and the professional relationships I’ve forged are the two most profound aspects as to why I’ve had so much trouble applying RAIN. RAIN teaches us to radically accept the course of life for what it is and I think I’m doing the best I can to adapt to change.
Professionally speaking, I spent almost as much time with this company as I spent in grades K-12. Much of who I am today is directly tied to my growth as a sales professional, project manager, and man is because of the nice run I had with the company. Accepting no longer being at a place I had success at is tough to remedy. Even when I accept and move on to the next phases of RAIN, I frequently win at the investigating phase and lose during non-identification. It is a tremendous challenge to not label myself negatively in any manner (mostly where is my income going to come from and what did you do to set this whole thing into motion), wonder what could’ve been if so many things played out differently this year, and fret over what is the next step to take in life. During moments of doubt and wondering what could have been, I often find myself loathing the pace and inefficiencies with which the healthcare company worked and how that affected my CRPS battle. Along the lines of one of Paula’s teachings, let the emotion out: the healthcare company probably cost me at least 30-60 more days of unbearable pain and equal that length of time to get to a more functioning capacity and perhaps I would’ve been back to work already had insurance been more cooperative. Crushing. And to think, now I’m paying that same insurance company the full toll of insurance premiums at $700/month via the COBRA process.
Mindfulness meditation and occupational therapy have been my outlets when RAIN hasn’t worked. Like RAIN, my meditation, and occupational therapy (O.T.) practice improves with each session every day. I use mindfulness imagery in a good bit of my meditation sessions. Sometimes I add in some music or nature sounds that fit the scene I’ve painted. At other times, I simply focus on being present with my surroundings keying in on what is all around me, audibly and visually. You would be surprised at how effective this can be to calm the heart and mind. Again, I still don’t always apply my mindfulness meditation skills in the most critical of situations of elevated pain (mind or body). I have no choice but to improve there and I know I will in time.
You might be reading all of this wondering what I plan to do next in my career. I haven’t narrowed in on anything yet and am keeping a broad mind open. Truth be told, the additional time away from my career gives me a few more days/weeks of healing. Unemployment has its perks? I only kid. My health is and should be paramount. Unfortunately, so is and should being gainfully employed. Blogging isn’t paying any bills for me anytime soon. The void of long-term income is a bit frightening after being out of work for 8 months as it is. It puts stress on my family unit. As of the time of writing this post, the only things I know for sure about the next positions I seek are the position will present an opportunity for greener pastures and there will be companies that place value on the core business skill sets I possess. Brainstorming and musing about business ventures to embark upon on my own are a weekly activity as well. Maybe one day I’ll launch one of these ideas and who knows, maybe you’ll see me on Shark Tank at some point. One can only hope to grow to a point where you get a shot at the Sharks.
I believe in setting goals as what gets measured gets done. From here forward, my goal is at least two meaningful blog posts per week. I’m also committing to continued therapy daily, obtaining gainful employment with an awesome opportunity by the end of the calendar year, and filing to register my charity. Stay tuned.
Beat CRPS!
Jason